If we are always arriving and departing, it is also true that we are eternally anchored. One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things. — Henry Miller
Boyfriend should have taken an interest in my blog and he would know I’m over here posting his Miller1971 password so anyone who sees it could seriously disrupt his Gmail and Facebook accounts. I set both of those accounts up for him, and I could delete them both in two seconds. Anybody could. He’d never know what happened. He would think it was a virus or a bug.
Too bad I’m not the vengeful type. I could totally put an end to all the pictures and sweet stuff he has piled up in Gmail. I could totally wipe out his nice collection of female friends on Facebook.
How do I stop reading his mail when the sordid details of his affairs are sitting right there daring me to look? This stuff is solid gold. Yesterday, for example, one of his Facebook buddies asked him where he’d been and he sent the guy a private message saying, I’ve been up in Dallas, fixing to move up there, met a sweet lady, thinking about getting married.
What? My boyfriend’s getting married!
I bet this Dallas woman he’s thinking about marrying doesn’t know about Diane, the woman he spent the 4th of July with. He’s been flirting with her on Facebook for a while, and on the 4th she sent him a private message: You just left my house. I feel good about you. You are a real man. Yes, Diane, and he’s also a real player. That’s why he didn’t text you back when you asked him if he made it back to Dallas. He’s about to marry a fat girl there, and you were just a holiday fling.
Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music—the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. — Henry Miller
Last summer when we met we admitted that the thing we wanted most was to be in love again. We agreed that there’s nothing like it, nothing in life makes you feel as good as being in love. We decided to take a giant leap of faith, go all in, and be in love for a year, which is exactly what happened. He took a player break and focused his attention on me. I knew where he was all the time, and I adored him.
The one thing we can never get enough of is love. And the one thing we never give enough of is love. — Henry Miller
Then his dad called and asked him to come to Dallas. I encouraged him to go. He has spent his whole life here. We talked about me joining him there. I never imagined he would go up there and get engaged, but it makes sense now. He needs someone to pay for materials so he can work. He has a business partner here who does that. If he wants to move to Dallas, he needs to find a partner there.
Every man has his own destiny: the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it leads. — Henry Miller
So an overweight A&M accounting instructor who adores him gets the job. That’s her kissing him in the pictures. Her maiden name is Bedgood, I swear, but it should be Bedfull because she is definitely a bed full from the looks of her. I don’t know where he found her but I do know why he wants to marry her. She’s a working teacher and teachers have access to all kinds of credit. Financial necessity is a valid reason to marry but not a good one.
Let me be, was all I wanted. Be what I am, no matter how I am. — Henry Miller
I wanted to spend my birthday with you, he said when he showed up unexpectedly on July 1st. The kids and I were about to leave for the holiday weekend. I cried when he kissed me, knowing he’d been kissing other women. Confronting him on his birthday didn’t feel right, though, and there wasn’t time, so I choked back my words and they stuck in my throat and I couldn’t breathe or speak or swallow. My throat burned and my heart ached and tears filled my eyes. I knew I would never see him again.
The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware. —Henry Miller
Last night, just to see what would happen, I sent him a picture of me. He deleted the picture but sent me a message saying, I love you and I will always love you.
Saturday night I got two text messages from him: Want some company? Want some company? I didn’t reply.
As for what happens now, I see three choices.
- Keep reading his mail as I’ve been doing. The pull to keep spying is strong. How often in life do you get such incredible access to a person’s private life? It’s more interesting than what I generally do at 4:00 in the morning when I can’t sleep. Besides, minding your own business is overrated. Facebook encourages us to check on the people we care about. If I hadn’t accidentally blocked him, we could be Facebook friends.
- Confront him with all of this, in which case he would surely change his password and my snooping days would be over. This is what Ernie thinks I should do, only I can’t quite put it all together in my head just how this would work. It might be too late for a confrontation. I haven’t talked to him in two weeks.
- Delete both of his online accounts. This is what Susan thinks I should do, only he doesn’t need another lesson in non- attachment. He already knows how to let things go.
I don’t know what I will do.
On the meridian of time there is no injustice. There is only the poetry of motion, creating the illusion of truth and drama. — Henry Miller